The Way of Compassion by Dr. Jeff Welsh
Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th and current Dalai Lama has famously said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” In my many years of working with people, I have found this to be true. Developing a capacity for compassion goes a long way towards relieving loneliness, depression, anxiety, fear and anger. Compassion is the antithesis of, and antidote for, bigotry, prejudice and hate. And compassion— when taken as a basis for decision-making, unerringly paves the way for success in personal and professional relationships.
Compassion is the effort to share the suffering of others, and the subsequent desire to bring comfort and understanding. More active than sympathy and deeper than empathy, compassion is a combination of selflessness and hard work. True compassion is difficult to hold, and requires practice to maintain. I believe, however, that the rewards of living with a compassionate attitude easily outweigh the requisite pain, as compassion heals the healer as well as the afflicted.
Compassion is considered to be a virtue in Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Jainism, Hinduism, Buddhism and most other religions. It is a much better motivation for our social behaviors than Freud’s concept of the super-ego or the self-actualization at the pinnacle of Maslow’s hierarchy. When compassion is at the heart of how we relate to others, the world becomes a better, more peaceful place. As Schopenhauer elegantly stated, “Compassion is the basis of morality.”
So how can we develop, or continue to develop, compassion? It all starts with mindfulness. When we take the time to sit with someone and quiet our busy inner voices full of “shoulds,” “woulds” and “what-ifs,” we can start to truly become mindful of the other person. As our understanding deepens, we will invariably see that he or she is basically striving for happiness and relief from suffering, just as we are. Once we become mindful of others’ suffering and desires, compassion comes as a natural reflex; the best and highest expression of our innate humanity.
The quiet attention required for mindfulness is the foundation of all humanistic psychology, whether practiced by a professional therapist in an office or by a friend in a living room. It is the prerequisite for compassion, and requires discipline and concentration. The psychologist Daniel Goleman has noted that, “The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does.”
Once we have established a state of mindfulness and appreciate the fact that the other person has the same need for happiness and freedom from pain as we do, the psychospiritual distance between “us” and “them” disappears. This is the relationship without boundaries of Martin Buber’s Ich und Du (I and Thou) wherein we are able to deeply connect and authentically feel another’s suffering. It is a powerful experience, and is the operative core of compassion. It is in this place of understanding and being understood that healing happens. The Christian mystic Thomas Merton described this state when he wrote, “The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.”
Holding a compassionate attitude in the workplace is also worth mentioning, especially in the area of management, which by definition involves making decisions for other people and this—at least occasionally—can lead to disagreements. “Because I said so” is certainly widely used as a basis for management decisions, but experience proves it to be not particularly effective. I have learned that management decisions made with love, respect and compassion are more gracefully received and thoughtfully carried out than those made from a stance of false ego and “power.” (Yes, this works well with children too.) If you are in a position to manage the efforts of others, try coming from a deep appreciation that those with whom you work give you so much of their waking time. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the results, for both parties. This is what Henry Ward Beecher meant when he wrote, “Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.”
To me, the way of compassion entails utilizing a compassionate attitude in every situation, to the best of my ability. I believe that each of us can be a force in a “ripple effect” of kindness that will resonate through our personal spheres of influence and then to others. In this sense, compassion is our “best practice” for actually making the world a better place.
“In separateness lies the world’s great misery, in compassion lies the world’s true strength.”—Gautama Buddha
Jeff Welsh, Ph.D., M.A., C.Ht., HHP is a psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and holistic health practitioner specializing in spiritual counseling and development. The President of Mueller College of Holistic Studies in San Diego, California (www.Mueller.edu, 619-291-9811), Dr. Welsh can be reached at Jeff-Welsh.com, jeff@mueller.edu or Twitter.com/JeffWelsh.