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LifeQuake™
Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor
Dr. Toni Galardi
Dear Dr. Toni:
I am an addict but there is no anonymous program for me. I’m not addicted to the typical things like drugs, alcohol, or food. My addiction however, is far more crippling. It is affecting every area of my life: my career, my health, and my family. I’m addicted to procrastination. I procrastinate over deadlines at work, when and where to take vacations with my kids, committing to an exercise routine—you name it. How do I get over this? It feels like a disease as incapacitating as alcoholism.
Desperate for a Breakthrough
Dear Desperate:
First of all, let me say that desperation is not necessarily bad. As much as that feeling can make us do destructive things, it can also motivate us to take risks because we are fed up with the same old fear. Yes, fear. Procrastination at its core is motivated by the fear of change. Psychologists and motivational speakers have all debated as to whether the fear of success or the fear of failure is at the root of this complex. I submit that it is both, but that the deeper issue is the fear of loss. It is thinking that if you make this choice, it might be “the wrong one.”
Choosing also means the death of other choices and committing 100 percent to your decision. What if this decision takes you on a path into an unknown future that you’re not prepared for? Stagnation sucks but it is something you are familiar with, something you think you can control. The problem is that this is pure illusion because we are evolutionary beings. Survival of the fittest means the survival of those who can adapt to change. If your soul needs you to get healthy through exercise, advance yourself professionally, or take a vacation and rest, and you maintain the status quo, you invite a crisis and the decision is made for you. Of course, when we move forward through the trauma and drama of a crisis, we don’t have to own responsibility for the aftereffects. We can think of ourselves as victims and simply cope with the aftermath.
We are a nation of procrastinators. If you look to all the warnings that we received about terrorist threats before 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina, we can see that this exists both personally and governmentally. Over the course of 20 years, I incurred three near-death experiences every time I needed to make a change and did not listen to my intuition—so I understand this addiction. And it is an addiction, (which I define as whatever is between you and what you’re really afraid of).
So, now that we are in the season of change where the leaves begin to turn color as they die, it is a great time to celebrate and ritualize the death of this old habit. Here are some tips:
1) Go back to your earliest memory of a decision you made that didn’t turn out as you wanted. Was it trying out for sports, turning in a school assignment, or expressing your feelings to someone you had a crush on? As you recall this event, where do you feel the emotion in your body? Now, focus your breath on this spot. As you keep breathing into it, allow your body to surrender and receive your breath just as you would if you were stretching a muscle that was tight. As the feeling begins to change, notice what is replacing it. Now think of a time when you committed to something 100 percent and it produced your desired effect. For example, you ate healthy food and exercised and your body got stronger. Place that feeling of mastery in your non-dominant hand—the one you don’t write with—and place it over the spot in your body that once held the fear of commitment. This will anchor that feeling.
2) Take one area of your life that you need to make a decision about that has the lowest level of anxiety connected to it. If you need to make a career change and have been dragging your feet, do one little thing like pay attention to everything you encounter in a day that produces great enthusiasm or even mild interest. Keep a journal of all of this. Risking change through decision making begins with experiencing a good feeling around low-level change.
3) Commit to 15 minutes a day of quiet contemplation. No TV, computer, or even reading. Sit still and center yourself through the breathwork of step one and then ask the question of your intuition: What step would you have me take next? All you need to know is the next step. The answer may come right away or it may come spontaneously when you are doing something else like a household chore or as you wake up from a dream. The key is to know that you don’t have to know the five-year plan, just the next step. Healing the addiction to procrastination requires tolerance for the unknown future. If you focus just on the truth of the next step, you become more oriented toward the journey of life, rather than an end goal.
For more on this subject, a taped radio interview is available at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Tom-on-Leadership/2009/09/22/Special-on-Procrastination. Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and the author of her new book: The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600. To submit questions for “Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor,” contact Dr. Toni Galardi at DrToni@LifeQuake.net.