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LifeQuake™
Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor
Dr. Toni Galardi
Summer is almost over and the season of change is about to begin—autumn. I love this time of year. Like the leaves that turn color as they begin to die, letting go of old defunct habits and/or life circumstances can have the same effect. As we recognize that a cycle is ending, we can bring color back to our lives in places that might have grown stale.
Dear Dr. Toni:
I am a very healthy 54-year-old businessman. I exercise, eat a healthy diet, am not overweight, etc. I am financially successful and from the outside, everything looks “right;” I am envied by many people and I do a lot to project and protect my image. I went through a divorce a year ago and I spend a lot of mental time in the past, thinking about how it used to be. I am currently taking Paxil, trying homeopathy, doing energy psychology and seeing an herbal MD who is giving me teas to take. I am still suffering and nothing seems to help. Do you have any other ideas or am I destined to this life forever? Any insight at all would be much appreciated.
Jonathan in San Diego
Dear Jonathan:
I can appreciate how difficult and frustrated you must be, given that you are doing “all the right things.” There are two things you mention that bear addressing: “I spend a lot of mental time in the past” and “I do a lot to project and protect my image.”
How comfortable are you with vulnerability?
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as Paxil for depression, do take you out of the depths of despair. But now, actually sitting with your feelings in the present, and not in the past, can allow you to be more authentic and less prone to protecting your image. Do you let people get close? Part of intimacy is rooted in showing your humanity, warts and all.
If you are looking back a lot, perhaps you are filled with regret about your choices while you were married. I would encourage you to find a good psychotherapist to work with and to do an evaluation with an orthomolecular psychiatrist—a physician who is trained in treating mood disorders with amino acid therapy, essential fatty acids and certain herbal remedies for brain balance. In Los Angeles, Hyla Cass, MD is the “go to doc” and David Gersten, MD is located in Encinitas.
Good luck!
Hello Dr Toni:
I just read your column in Vision Magazine. You are quite skilled and exceptionally compassionate. I seem to have the dis-ease of needing to move and change constantly. I don’t have family, but I have wonderful friends. I’m not sure where I want to be, or how to ground and connect to the Earth. I always say that it will take a man to settle me down. Yet I’m super ready to ground. A friend thinks my moving comes from a feeling of being trapped. Help!!
Thanks, Dr Toni.
Georgia
Dear Georgia:
If it is in your nature to constantly change, that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. Most people have the opposite problem: fear of change. For them, change translates as loss. From your description, it sounds like staying rooted feels as if you will lose something, such as freedom. Your possible solution of getting into a relationship as a way of grounding yourself is superficial at best, and ineffective, if not downright destructive at worst. Anytime we use something external to ground us, especially a person, we are at risk of becoming ungrounded again if they leave. More importantly, relationships take a lot of work and commitment. You don’t always get the freedom you might have as a single person, so you really have to be ready to compromise some of your impulses for the sake of loving and being in service to another human being, as well as serving the relationship. It is definitely a life path and for some—a spiritual path not to be taken cavalierly.
I would recommend getting into some counseling to examine what your fears are of staying in one place and not moving on so quickly. There are also certain physical practices such as Qigong that can help with grounding your body to the Earth’s energy once you have emotionally decided that you really want this.
Try this: Imagine you are a tree. What tree would you be? A willow that bends with the winds of change, but still has deep roots in the Earth? Or an oak that provides shade for people who want to sit under it and be protected from the sun? Think about all the trees you’ve enjoyed. Which one attracts you most? There is also a Qigong exercise to try called Standing Like a Tree: Stand with your knees slightly bent, spine extended upward and your arms held outward as if embracing a large sphere. Breathe deeply here. This practice can help you stay grounded throughout the day.
Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, career coach, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Her website address is www.LifeQuake.net. For personal consultation, please call 310.712.2600.