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LifeQuake™
Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor
Dr. Toni Galardi
Spring is coming. This is a time when Mother Nature shows us how everything frozen and austere in our lives eventually changes. For many, this winter has brought more than just severe climate conditions—it takes a real leap of faith to believe that spring will come economically and professionally, too. The hardest task one faces psychologically is in claiming prosperity when there seems to be no evidence for it. To that end, I have written my first book on how to thrive through change. The LifeQuake Phenomenon can be purchased through my website or online bookstores as of March 1. It is my sincere hope that it supports all those going through upheaval by reframing this time as the labor pains of our souls in birthing humanity’s next evolution.
Dear Dr. Toni:
I am 68 and retired. My husband is 70, also retired. We have two sons who are both divorced. One son has two daughters in college and we are paying for their educations. It is sapping us financially, but our goal in life was to educate our grandchildren. One granddaughter is gifted and has some scholarships to support her education but it doesn’t cover room, board, and other expenses. Our other son is raising a 12-year-old son alone. We have no daughters-in-law. I have one sister who has many health problems. The only female in the family who truly cared about our aging was my sister-in-law, who passed away this year at age 54 with cancer. We miss her compassion and caring about us. Talk about fear—I am extremely worried about who will care for us when we become ill and aged. Our sons are not capable of helping us and our granddaughters will need to get on with their lives after college. It truly is lonely not having any women in the family to ask how we are doing or invite us to dinner. I now realize that we need to plan for our eventual aging problems and the fact that there is no one to help us. We have not traveled or done anything for ourselves in retirement in order to ensure that our granddaughters were educated. One will graduate in May with a degree in psychology. We would love to move away, as we feel very lonely with their seeming to have no time for us. We long for a warmer climate but fear if we move too far, there would be no family to care for us if we become incapacitated and it would be a financial burden on them to move us back home, much less care for us. Are there people in the health field who act as patient advocates or who would handle our affairs and ensure that we would be taken care of properly? We have nursing home insurance but it would not cover all the care and our boys could not pay the coverage. I visited my mother every day while she was in a nursing home and thank God I did. She was not well cared for, even in our best nursing home.
My husband has glaucoma but still has fairly good vision. He has muscle damage in his legs from taking Lipitor [a cholesterol-lowering medication] for too many years. He is not able to walk long distances; however, he functions well on a daily basis on short trips and errands. I feel his health may go downhill in the next few years with these problems and am struggling with the fact that we are vegetating here in a cold climate that causes us to become depressed and inactive.
We have no answers to our dilemma. This is a LifeQuake in our senior years! We would appreciate your thoughts. I’m not sure how many years we have left to enjoy life, where to enjoy those years, and how far we should be from our children who wouldn’t be much help. I look forward to your column in Vision Magazine. Thank you.
P.J.
Dear P.J.:
Yes, LifeQuakes can happen at any age. If you are truly in a LifeQuake and not just a crisis, you will know that a significant life change is being thrust upon you. All change demands risk. If there is no one in your present community to assist you, it probably isn’t going to get better. You are right; cold climates are very challenging when you have physical limitations. The benefit of moving to warmers climates, besides supporting your health, is that there are more retirement communities and services that cater to seniors. I urge you to investigate living in a retiree community. Look into patient advocacy services and do it soon. You can start with these three: www.ElderCareLink.com, a national free service that connects seniors with caregivers; The Patient Advocate Foundation, which provides healthcare mediation, www.patientadvocate.org; and The Association of Retired People (AARP), www.AARP.org. By joining AARP for $16 a year (or less if you sign up for more than one year), you can receive myriad information beyond patient advocacy.
Your anxiety will only worsen through non-action. Information and education is the beginning of resolution, providing the possibility to make the rest of your life a time to enjoy “the golden years.” Get moving, my dear. Do the research and then plan a trip in the spring. Your family will survive without you. Remember, the life preserver has to go around your neck first!
To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For more tips on overcoming the fear of change and discovering your life’s purpose, Dr. Toni has a new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Visit www.LifeQuake.net to order. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600.