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Mind States
With a Little Help from My Friends:
I’m Finding My Way Home to God
by Linda Jean McNabb
My life was in the garbage can. It was a long climb out, but I did it “with a little help from my friends,” as the famous song written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney so eloquently states it. Not only am I out of the garbage can, my feet are now on solid ground and I walk on a path of forgiveness as I make my way back Home—not this illusion’s idea of home, but our true Home, which is in Heaven and perfect Oneness with God.
In 1967, when that song was released by the Beatles, I was ten years old and just three years away from being gang raped by a group of teenage boys at a church dance, led by a boy with whom I’d only barely been previously acquainted. Afterwards, I felt that I was permanently broken and would never be loved by anyone, ever. I was paralyzed into silence by fear, shame, and guilt, believing that it was my fault. My innocence was stolen, my perception of life was altered, and I had no idea how deeply and darkly it would color my world from that moment on.
I didn’t have any clue how to handle what had happened to me, so I did nothing. I was like a wounded baby bird that was unable to fly, but still able to function, breathe, and carry on with a life that was less. I never reported the rape to my parents or any adult who could’ve helped me. It was not until the age of 47 that I was even able to tell my own mother what had happened to me, nearly 34 years after the incident had occurred.
What followed after the rape was a life of self-destruction, including suicidal depression, substance abuse, promiscuity, bankruptcies, and even a short stint into prostitution. I moved more than 50 times across the country, trying desperately to outrun my past and the invisible darkness that strangled the life out of me. I know now that unreported childhood sexual abuse is a worldwide issue of such magnitude that if we knew the true numbers, it would shake us to our core. It is a silent, invisible epidemic that has flooded our planet and we are drowning in its ooze. It is a crippling and menacing legacy that has been passed down from one generation to the next for a very long time. The perpetrators are dependent upon its young victims being paralyzed into silence by the fear, shame, and guilt surrounding the abuse. The child victims often grow up to become adult victims, or even adult victimizers, and the original perpetrators are left free to roam the earth and strike again and again. As adult survivors of past assaults, we are ill-equipped to protect ourselves from further abuses, let alone protect our children from such harm. And so the legacy continues.
Now with the prevalence of the internet, the exploitation has developed through a new medium and is spreading at an alarming and unfathomable rate. It is time to be shaken to the core, to wake up from this nightmare, and to shine a bright light on this destructive force. It is through making this epidemic public that we can begin to eradicate it forever. As we work toward the prevention of further damage and the end of a cycle, we also offer hope to those already afflicted who are silently suffering and living lives of quiet desperation. There is no need to delay the healing another minute, nor to suffer needlessly for so many years.
After decades of what seemed like a very slow spiritual seeking and awakening, I was guided to move to Southern California at the age of 44. Eventually this led me to a little coffee shop in a small beachside community where a man placed a book into my hands entitled, The Disappearance of the Universe, written by bestselling author, Gary Renard. Little did I know that my existence was about to make quantum leaps into a new life and a new day for which I’d been yearning for a very long time—perhaps even lifetimes. Renard’s book taught me the metaphysics of A Course in Miracles, which 20 years previously, I’d been unable to read or understand. At this stage of my life, I readily and easily became a student of this course and began to practice a different kind of forgiveness, the same kind of forgiveness that Jesus practiced and taught during his last lifetime on earth. For those of you who may not know, Jesus is the voice of the course. This is not the old fashioned kind of forgiveness where we say, “you’re wrong but I forgive you anyhow.” It recognizes that we are the immortal spirit and not this body. The true message of the crucifixion is that we are not the physical body and there is no death. It is an extreme lesson that none of us are required to experience ourselves in order to learn from it. Aren’t you relieved?
Next, I read Renard’s second book, Your Immortal Reality. About a month later, while unable to fall asleep, I felt “lifted” and gently but firmly guided from my bed at 4 a.m., then plunked down in front of my computer. I wrote two sentences: “I was born August 6, 1957, insane. Things went pretty much downhill from there.” I looked around, bewildered and filled with anticipation, wondering where that had come from. I felt the presence of Jesus there with me as I began writing the story of my life with Him shining a light into the deepest darkest crevices of my mind, revealing myself to myself. As I wrote, I began forgiving my past, using the teachings from Renard’s books. I never planned on writing a book, nor had I ever thought I could write one in a zillion years. In fact, I didn’t write the book—it wrote me.
Through forgiveness, I embarked on a new journey. Major healing and awakenings occurred. I awoke to a new me, the true me, the immortal spirit. I no longer felt defined by my body, what had happened to it, or what I’d done with it. I saw myself as the immortal spirit, as is everyone else. Therefore, we are all innocent. I was able to see my past as a blessing, for it had facilitated my spiritual awakening. I realized that I cannot be damaged and nothing is ever lost. As immortal spirits, there is nothing we need to hide from or be ashamed of. We are not this body—this is a truth that shall truly set us free!
As I realized this reality I became liberated of the past and any “damage” that had been done to me. It has been years since I’ve abused any substance, I’m totally drug-free, and the suicidal depression is a faint memory. As I’m sure many others will relate, it was myself that I needed to forgive more than anyone else. And because we are all actually one, that is, one mind appearing as many bodies, when we forgive one another and what appears to be “out there,” we are actually forgiving ourselves. It is through the daily practice of true forgiveness that I’ve found a peaceful way to walk my path.
Our only real problem or lack of any kind is that we imagine we are separate from God. That is where the insanity comes from. A Course in Miracles teaches us that there are two worlds—the world of God and the world of man—and only one is real. The world of man is a projection of the ego mind and is not true reality. Ego is the false thought of separation. Genuine forgiveness offers us a way to undo the ego. Like an onion, we will eventually peel away all the false layers until there is nothing between us and our total awareness of our perfect oneness with God. This planet is plagued with physical problems, all of which require a spiritual solution. We can build our lives on the chaotic, unstable foundation of this world, or we can build it upon the rock solid foundation of God. It is our choice. We can end this epidemic by shedding light on it. If I can stop my suffering, then so can others. The power is in your hands to help spread this message to the world.