.jpg)
Mind States
Dead or Alive
Are You Slowly Swallowing Poison?
by Eva Starr
”Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” -Malachy McCourt
My spiritual quest started in the late seventies when I began dabbling in the metaphysical field. I gravitated towards every new-age author known to man. It wasn’t until the eighties when I was going through a divorce filled with more betrayal and pain than I care to remember that I stumbled upon the key to it all: forgiveness.
There was a common thread amongst the prolific gurus whom I was studying; I discovered that we alone are responsible for what happens in our world. Like bees to honey, I devoured everything I could get my hands on. I came to understand the quickest way to freedom is to release the people in our lives we think are to blame for our miserable experiences.
We hold the key in our self-imposed prisons. It’s got nothing to do with them, but everything to do with us, you and me. It made perfect sense to me in a world where every corner I turned appeared to be filled with cruelty, betrayal, pain and suffering. I could heal my life by forgiving those past hurts, and the people involved in them.
Taking responsibility for our own lives and moving out of the victim neighborhood and away from the blame game is a challenging concept for nearly everyone. People find it easier to blame others for what’s gone awry in their own lives. No one likes to look in the mirror but look in the mirror we must. It’s not out there; we hold it in our hands. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. In fact, dare to tell someone that you’ve forgiven them—they’ll look at you like you have a chicken on your head. Most of the people we need to forgive don’t think they’ve done anything to be forgiven for.
Why do we forgive? It bears repeating, forgiveness is a gift to you. It is the only gift that will set you free from the bondage and the torture you place upon yourself because you foolishly think someone else is to blame for your sadness, your debt, your health, your relationship—need I go on?
When we hold onto past wounds, we die inside; our souls wither away. Forgiving ourselves and others is our ticket to love, happiness, and financial freedom. Yes, even our finances suffer because there is someone, somewhere that we are still blaming for our misfortune.
Imagine being married for 25 years, putting your husband through medical school, raising five children, and giving him the best years of your life. One day he comes home and tells you he’s running off with his 23-year-old blonde secretary. Then you happen to see them riding down the street in his new Porsche convertible, his cutesy secretary by his side. Her long blonde hair is blowing in the wind while they’re both laughing and smiling.
You, on the other hand, have spent every waking moment being angry, miserable, depressed and thinking of 101 ways to murder your ex-husband. Let me ask you this, who is the happy one and who is miserable?
I hear the question all the time: “what if I just can’t bring myself to forgive so and so?” I respond with, “are you willing?” Nine out of ten times people are willing, but they just don’t know how. It starts with the willingness—this is the first step.
Finding forgiveness is solo work; it’s not necessary to contact the other person. Therefore, for those of you who are still holding onto past hurts for someone who has crossed over into another plane of existence, what are you waiting for? They’ve moved on and you’re still carrying a grudge here on earth. Dead or alive, it doesn’t matter; you’re poisoning yourself and will soon join them on the other side. Give yourself a true gift—forgive them, and forgive yourself while you’re at it. Life’s too short to die from self-inflicted poisoning. The choice is yours. What are you going to do?
Eva Starr, a former talk show host, specializes in forgiveness work and is available for speaking engagements, one-on-one sessions, and corporate trainings. Contact her at www.reachforthemoon.net, 440.930.8865, or evastarr24@yahoo.com.