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Holistic living
Forgive & Give Thanks
by Marlene Buffa
From holiday feasts to full tummies, we celebrate Thanksgiving by immersing ourselves in the moment. We enjoy ourselves by coming together and sharing our food and memories. We reflect on our country, our faith and our family. The day-long (or sometimes week-long) preparation of one meal testifies to the significance of the day.
Good Times
When we look back over the year, the decade, or the course of our lives, we quickly recognize our gifts and happiness. When sharing with those we love, we recall times of joy such as births, weddings, and other rites of passage, sincerely giving thanks for it all. Remembering the transformation of difficult situations into positive opportunities, we take particular joy in celebrating the gifts of Spirit for bringing in the highest and best for our lives. That’s the easy part.
Challenges
Often we require life’s harshest lessons in order to learn and grow. Gentle teachers guide and direct us, but the difficult headmaster provides the most opportunity for progress. Immersed in a challenge, we experience a variety of emotions ranging from anger to fear, frustration and anxiety. Then when we triumphantly emerge from the struggle, like a mother giving birth, we forget the pain and rejoice in the joy of the outcome. Sometimes, however, we hold grudges against the very things that we strived to overcome. Those life situations are the ones which have taught us the most. As we let go of the hurt and celebrate the lessons learned, we realize that the joy of forgiveness goes hand in hand with gratitude.
Forgiveness
The definitions of forgiveness vary from simply letting go, to a more complex and cautious dismissal. We accept apologies when offered and interpret this as forgiveness. In context, we can never forgive someone who fails to apologize. Another conundrum appears if the object of our forgiveness isn’t a person (perhaps it’s a circumstance or situation), or the person is no longer living. We then claim to suffer from the malaise of “not having closure.” Since so many of us don’t really know what forgiveness really is, we conveniently make excuses to not forgive at all, merely because we don’t know what it looks like in our world. Consequently, we create our destiny of carrying around resentment and anger for the remainder of our lives.
Who Benefits?
The starkest contrast between forgiveness and gratitude, not surprisingly, resides within us. In gratitude, we experience peace of mind and a sense of honor and satisfaction. We are wrapped in the recognition of the blessings in our lives. Not only do we lovingly embrace the things for which we are thankful, we inspire others around us to absorb our positive energy and consider their own reasons for gratitude. In short, an “attitude of gratitude” affects more than one person and spreads into the world.
In holding grudges, anger or resentment, we mostly affect ourselves. Many times, the subject of our disdain often continues on his or her course, blissfully unaware of our feelings, or worse, appears apathetic to them. In such cases, we hold the negativity all to ourselves. We alone experience all the anxiety and physical ill-being brought about by our feelings. Alternatively, what if the person we need to forgive the most actually awaits our forgiveness? He or she may end up harboring feelings of inadequacy or sorrow that we cannot seem to release. Now you’re affecting that person, too, and causing untold hardship on his or her wellbeing. Essentially, nobody benefits from a refusal to forgive.
Letting Go / Surrender
While perhaps overused, the phrase “Let Go, Let God,” holds true and serves us well. Releasing anger, fear, and resentment not only frees you, but others as well. By letting these feelings go, we acknowledge our inability to control the situation, and we finally give up the struggle. That’s all it is, really—just a struggle for control. And the negativity takes its toll on you; in fact, it’s killing you. So if you give up trying to control everything around you, even the people in your life, the struggle falls away along with it.
Today, give thanks for life’s harshest lessons by bringing you to the present moment. Be grateful for the people whom you feel wronged you in any way, for they are Spirit’s special messengers for self-reflection. Put what happened to you in the past and leave it there, where it belongs. Appreciate all that you’ve overcome which has served to enrich, educate, and strengthen you. Rejoice in your newfound wellbeing, and the Universe will support you in amazing ways. Most of all, thank God for your incredible capacity to love.