Living Arts
Children as Teachers
by Loba and Jesse Wolf Hardin
I have never delivered a child from my body, but in my 30s, I was blessed with a little girl in my life. For the first time, I got to experience the blessings, challenges and responsibilities of bringing up a young one in co-parenting the amazing Rhiannon.
I instinctively understood the importance of what we choose to expose or protect her from, the ways we inspire, instruct and guide her, and even more importantly, the examples we set. Instead of talking about chores, we speak of the value and the rewards of taking care of things. Difficulty is described as a means for getting stronger, and an opportunity to distinguish ourselves. When there is something hard or unpleasant that needs to be done, we try to make it possible for it to be her choice, knowing that is the way to empower her, and have her take credit, instead of feeling victimized, controlled or obligated. In everything I do, however right or imperfect, I recognize the ways she needs to be taught. What I wasn’t expecting was how much I would end up learning, or to what extent she and every child have something to teach us.
Rhiannon’s qualifications are not bad for an eight-year-old. She reads at a 7th grade level, types on the computer, and writes long stories, letters, and poetry. She also harvests many native plants for medicinal and culinary purposes. Rhiannon can build and tend a fire, do embroidery and other simple sewing, and she notices many things that need tending to on her own. She can wade through a river up to her waist and carry a backpack with about one-fourth of her weight in it.
Her bravery and willingness to engage deeply with her home helps many to see their own potential, and inspires them to do the same. I commented to a recent guest how great it was to see her walking around without shoes, and she replied, “I saw Rhiannon coming down that cliff in her bare feet, and I thought, ‘if that little girl can do it, so can I!’” And yet as sociable as she can be, she counsels guests about the value and fun of solitude. Every other day, from the time she was four, she’s gone about 1/2 mile downriver by herself for her “alone time,” which she spends singing to the clouds, dancing with the fairies, speaking to the river and in turn, hearing what the river has to say. Knowing that many of the women that come here to the Animá Center are in need of solitude, she’s learned to sense or ask us about when distractions are inappropriate, and to respect space and process. All year long she receives cards and gifts from past students and guests, describing how affected they were by her joyful, generous presence, and what a blessing it was for them to see a little girl with this much love of life, growing up in a place that nourishes her and gives her so many real challenges and lessons.
Rhiannon sets a vivid example of right living, by doing her work without complaining, saying yes to reasonable suggestions and standing up for herself when some friend tells her things she knows is wrong. She assumes that she is good, rather than assuming she is sinful or flawed, and builds her expanding self up one authentic part at a time. Regular trips to the river emphasize the importance of taking time off from projects to celebrate and savor nature. She readily tries most difficult tasks, acting as if there is nothing she cannot discover a way to do. When food is passed out, she makes a prayer of deep gratitude and heartful communion, acknowledges every plant and animal that contributed to the meal, and will sometimes resist conversation to focus on the tastes and textures delighting her mouth.
That doesn’t mean she is unconscious of her effect, noticing as she does how words as well as actions can guide, strengthen, clarify or affirm. Rhiannon is thus quick to respond to a perceived need with appropriate counsel and advice. She can often read how people are feeling in spite of a forced smile or inexpressive face, and offers precious advice about being fully present, self love, the value of treating yourself well, being true to your needs and mission, trying to do the impossible, expressing sadness, the importance of celebration, as well as doing whatever it takes to resist wrongs and live your dreams. Even if our students and guests ever wanted to discount her, the palpable truth in her proclamations likely won them over, the earnest look on her face convincing the most committed skeptics of the power of her insights and observations, recommendations and convictions.
Kids, whether from our wombs or not, need good reason to look up to us. And when we think about how to live a meaningful life—to love deeply and satisfy our curiosity, play hard and enjoy the outdoors, be easily intrigued and heartily pleased, be true to our natures and honor and protect the natural world—it is to the little children of the world that we might best look.
Jesse Wolf Hardin is a teacher and founder of Animá nature-informed practice and the author of seven related books. Readers of Vision Magazine are invited for wilderness retreats, vision quests, and more at the Animá Sanctuary, a wild river canyon and ancient place of power in the enchanted Southwest: Animá Learning & Retreat Center, Box 688, Reserve, NM 87830. www.animacenter.org.